Someday's I go back to the moment, When I kissed you for the first time and some nights I keep on thinking, that why my feeling can't arrest; and some nights I don't know what scares me more, Dark or the light.
So how did it all started; With her eyes that made me paralyze for 3 seconds when I saw her for the first time and then every single time we met.
Life of mine takes a turn and takes a beautiful one when everything was perfect and likewise, it ruins everything beautifully. IT leaves me to fight with a hope that things will turn back to normal but every time when the things remain the same, all my hope shatters away and I can't feel my soul, like the gravity has stopped to pull me down and I feel breathless and The sun makes me feel my soul when it burns my skin .
Nights of mine are getting wasted, waiting for her call that might never come. I found myself crying in dreams, dreaming about you, and when I woke up I felt the dried paths of my tears on under my eyes. Unfortunately, I cried in my sleep.
The whole day, I keep myself busy with college stuff and in the long recess of 1 hour I run to the ground and sit under the sun only to make me realize how lonely I'm. I stare everyone and people seem to be so happy with their life Like they have all the dreamed of or even if they don't have it they have some special people in life that keep them up. First Five days of the week I wonder how do survive these 5 days, rest 2 days I wonder how do I survive the Holidays wandering all alone.
"I keep sitting under the bright rays of sun, thinking of the thought she might see me and come running to me and would just come and sit next to me and hold my hand"
. When the clock declares the departure time, I don't wanna leave; "I feel like, What if she comes here the moment I leave,
She will not find me";
But, then I leave and while my walks back to the college door, the nourishing rays of the sun seems to burn my soul, and I feel numb, all the moments and memories march in my head and I meet people and I Laugh like I practiced in the mirror last night.
Walking alone to my room and back every day I realize how alone I'm, even if I was not "'d miss you the same".
I talk to me all the time, I do fight and I blame myself for the change of wind. For the favorite winter of mine now scares me if I would not be able to fight more, like I'm close to death and then I wonder would it bother you, If you knew that and of me has turned to ashes ...I don't how to do things I'm supposed to do. But, If it's waiting I'll do it anyhow.
Life was never easy and it never will be, cause If life would have been easier It would have had a different name. I have chosen the path with foot marks of none and I've no idea about it, It might lead me to a dead end But, I call myself a dreamer, I'll believe in me and if I found some rain, I'll dance in it.
These days, I feel like a Lost star, which does exist but hardly anyone knows, or hardly cares to.
Like I stand in the middle thousands but, No one sees me or they don't bother to, Even if they try they can't cause there just one person who knows to see through my soul and know that I'm not okay even if I say. Like I never said her before.
"Every time when I said that I was okay, I just wanted you to look into my eyes and hug me tight and whisper in my ears that, I know you are not".
I sleep every day with the hope day tomorrow will be good ;
That you'll call me tomorrow and come running to me,
Slap me low and hug me tight,
"I loved you and always will" be the words from your cries;
And I would just please your hairs and shout from my heart.
"You have no idea how much have I cried,
Cause I always loved you and so will I".
Hold my hand, Cause I can't even walk straight.
I miss You.
-Ashwini
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